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 GRAYmatter :: For Fun

Please take my user poll

 

 


That's it, I've been slaying barbarians all day and I'm bloody knackered, wild horses couldn't drag me from this chair.


Beer! Did someone say "Beer"?

 

 


I know you like to try new perfumes Murial, but that latest one, what's it called, Musk 105, it's a bit bloody overpowering.

 


Yes yes Ophelia, I know you like that spiral pasta, but it doesn't like you.

 


Er, OK.

 

 


It was way past midday when Antonio realised he hadn't phoned his aunt in the Antipodes to wish her happy birthday.

 


The new "Ralph the Roo" comic strip, soon to be syndicated by all the major dailies. Click on each picture.


INVITATION
His Excellency the Governor General, and Mrs Smythe-Jones,
request the pleasure of your company for a spot of evening fishing.
Time: Just before sunset
Place: Osprey Bay, Ningaloo
RSVP: Whenever
Dress: Casual

 


 

These lofty thoughts came to me while sitting on a hard rock surrounded by soft alpine heath in the Kosciuszko National Park.

On a Rock by Rob Gray
I sit on a rock...overlooking The Sentinel
The vista evokes...grand images mental
My gaze wanders west...to the state of Victoria
My spirit soars high...to a state of euphoria.

I sit on a rock...and silently wonder
(As my gaze is diverted...and I look downunder)
Why my boots they are placed...on soft alpine grass
And hard mountain granite...lays beneath my arse.

 

Why is it that...

...people who shouldn't wear leotards, invariably do.
...when an insect splatters onto a newly cleaned windscreen it does so directly in front of the driver.
...the very first thing you see after buying something is that same thing at a lower price.
...when buying an old item it's an expensive and rare antique. When selling, it's just old.
...when asking your builder to remove a window he says "It's worth about the same as a wall so there's no difference in the price". When asking your builder to add a window he says "Windows are expensive, that'll be an extra thousand dollars".
...cats always throw up on the deep-pile carpet, right next to the easily cleaned tiles.
...when working on your car a dropped item will always roll underneath, and to the geometric centre of, the vehicle.
...when you finally get a chance to overtake the slow vehicle you've been stuck behind for ages, they turn off the second you get past them.
...when clearing the bugs from your windscreen the windscreen washer gives a brief spurt then runs out of water, leaving bug entrails spread all over the window and making it even worse.
...a cat will wait until you are nice and comfortable with your feet up, a cup of coffee and a magazine before wanting to go out.
...having been let out, a cat will wait until you are nice and comfortable with your feet up, a cup of coffee and a magazine before wanting to come back in.
...those sugar dispensing things in cafes refuse to release any sugar until you hit them, at which time they release all of the sugar.
...it's almost impossible to get the cling film from the dispenser to a bowl of salad without it first clinging to the bench, to itself and to just about everything else.
...those one-handed-operation straw dispensing things in the fast food shops always jam and need two hands to extract a straw. Of course your other hand is busy trying to balance two big macs, a chocolate sundae, a couple of Cokes and a large fries.
...an expensive engagement ring is a "hand-crafted, exquisite piece of art", "a demonstration of your love" and "an investment in the future" when you buy it, and about 1oz of low grade gold and industrial diamonds when the wedding's off and it's time to sell.
...the funds are removed from your account as soon as your cheque is presented, but not credited to the recipient until it "clears".
...we absolutely can't live without a new gadget or software feature that, until yesterday, we had never heard of.
...you have to be in your 40s before you appreciate being in your 20s.
...a poor person with long hair and a nose ring is a dropout, a rich person with long hair and a nose ring is a creative eccentric.
...you don't notice the cubicle's lack of toilet paper until it's too late.
...when you require N things to work to make a job go smoothly, the number of things that actually do work is <= N-1.

...when searching for a pair of socks in the laundry the number of socks that have to be retrieved before a pair is found is

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PO Box 450, Gin Gin, QLD, Australia.
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